I'm not sure how this relates to religion and science but maybe you all can tie it in. Tuesday evening/night I spent the night in the nursing home, sitting at the bedside of my 99 1/2 year old friend as she died from old age.  It was amazing to me the heightening of my senses and just how awake I felt both physically and emotionally. I never even came close to falling asleep and I didn't sit there blubbering. At 4am I heard things. I heard voices and I couldn't determine where they were coming from. They were the pleas of an elderly voice saying "help me" and "let me out of here". I even looked out the window into the courtyard because I thought maybe one of the residents wandered out there and the door locked. It was 10 degrees, the wind was blowing hard and it was snowing. No one was out there. I sat back down and again, the voice. It was so sad and so disturbing. I went out into the hallway and it was complete quietness - not even a nurse. No one and no sounds. Went back in the room, and again, the voice. This time I went out and down the hall to look through the door into the courtyard because the voice sounded muffled like it was beyond the pane of glass. Of course there was no one in the courtyard. I went back into the room and again I heard "let me out of here" and I just said, "I'm sorry, I can't help you" quietly and to myself. And the voice stopped. It was about that time also that I did start telling my friend that it was okay to go.

She had had 20 minutes of being very lucid the evening before that early morning and in that lucid time I was blessed to have had a conversation with her, about what she meant to me and about death. She told me she wouldn't be at her birthday party (her 100 year birthday would have been in June). She said she didn't understand why this was happening so fast. I told her that it was a blessing that it would happen so fast. She told me she was afraid of the coming night because she was sure it would be her last. She also said she was afraid of dying alone, and so that's why I stayed. As sunrise approached after the long night, I remember telling her, "Well thelma, maybe you were only 1/2 right. Maybe it was your last night but it's looking like you've got a day ahead of you." But, as it turned out, she was completely right. She died at sunrise.

Anyway, all day yesterday, during the grief, my senses were heightened and last night I had trouble going to sleep because even the sound of my furnace running was dreadful sounding. Today I'm feeling back to normal. I have a new found even greater respect for the people that work in nursing homes and actually care for their patients. So many of them were crying yesterday after Thelma died and I thought of how it must be for them having friends die like this every week.

I'm sorry for your loss.

And then there is a white van that rolls up, with a gurney, and a sheet. That is when we say goodbye, whether we were ready to or not. Friend, neighbor, loved one, took their last breath and left us. The van pulls away, arrangements, flowers and farewells will follow.

The voices, the tears, the dreams of the lost one's embrace, help us cope. But in reality, the van came, they put the body on a gurney, and we say goodbye deep inside our heart. That is all we can know for sure.

Goodbye to that soul, and may it be in a peaceful place where there are no tears, no suffering, no crying to be let out. See that person in a pleasant garden or meadow. with the sun and breeze upon them, smiling.

Hope you have peace TG. I appreciate your sharing of that experience. I hope your expression lent itself to comfort and closure.

I'm sorry too.  Do you know if she knew Jesus?

My father in law passed away at 95 and I wasn't able to say good-bye. He was out shopping the day before he went to sleep and apparently did not wake up. He didn't really die of old age. Many live to be even older. He had a persistent cough he has complained about over the phone a day and a half before he died. He lived in Liverpool England. So when we got a call from the police  two days after speaking to him, we knew and rushed over to make arrangements. I know they tell us it is the best way to go but I wish we could have all said good-bye.

My broither died of cancer that could not be stopped because of his heart problems. He was 73. he had to choose whether to prolong his life and his suffering or let it be. he chose to let it be and we gathered around him . He spent the foirst days of the week talking to us and eating Good Humor strawberry shortcake pops. They he went into a deep sleep and died. Being with him was the most comforting thing involving death that I ever experienced.