Here in Canada, I listen to CBC radio throughout the day, then BBC at six o'clock (on WNED-PBS), then WNT with Peter Jennings at six thirty. However, last night, within a few minutes of tuning in, I turned it off. For I too am feeling a void. Please allow me to share my personal perspective on why that is. As a hospice worker and counsellor, I understand the grieving process of the rites of death in various cultures/religions. Mine dictates a Christian rite that includes a three day mourning period and funeral. I wonder if the void surrounding Peter's death is the result of that process being interrupted. As an analogy, I draw on Princess Diana's and Pope John Paul's deaths. From the announcement of their passing onward,the public was included in the journey. Their funerals were where a measure of acceptance and closure was attained. Like Diana and Pope John Paul, Peter (as we've realized) was reverred and even loved the world over. However, because of the privacy surrounding his funeral, the public's journey towards acceptance and closure was interrupted. And this is where the void comes in. Yesterday, I received an email from ABC, thanking me for the offer of condolences to Peter's family and the ABC staff (others have received one also). In it, it states that a memorial service is being planned; thus, the public's journey toward closure will be reconnected. In fairness, I believe that Peter's family and ABC have been rocked by the global outpouring of condolences. In recognizing that,I am sure that a befitting memorial will come about, afterwhich "time" will eventually take us to a place where memories will bring forth smiles rather than tears. Regards, Connie Chippawa (Niagara Falls) Ontario, Canada

I think one of the reasons why I'm having so much trouble working through this is guilt. Even though I've thought Peter was somebody special since the 1970's, I didn't always make the effort required to watch him. Like many people, I lead a very busy life, and on many evenings it was just so much more convenient to just plop down in front of the TV whenever I wanted and flip on CNN than to look at my watch and think "Oh, it's 6:30. Gotta go watch Peter". Still, he was always the first one I turned to when it came to the major news stories, particularyly 9/11. I think it was Charlie who said that 9/11 was Peter's finest hour. That's an understatement. Peter was dead solid perfect. I was at work watching his coverage with co-workers in the company lunchroom when he started talking about his children. For about half a minute I thought he was going to start crying. He didn't, but he looked so vulnerable and human. It was a connection that nobody in that room missed. His calm, soothing voice was like a lullabye to a frightened baby. He was our rock, our voice of reason. Yet even after 9/11 I continued to take Peter for granted. Because he was several years younger than either Dan or Tom, younger than my parents even, I just assumed he'd be around forever. It's that guilt that keeps gnawing at me now...

Often times guilt is also part of the grief process - when an unexpected death occurs, we often feel guilty over what we didn't do. You are not alone. julauded

I have that same guilt. I sometimes forgot to watch Peter. And I also was a little anemic in my defense of him, whenever people were critical of him. And that wasn't often. He had so much charisma. And his voice just really spoiled us. So much so, that I find myself unable to tolerate some of the more mediocre voices in the buisness.

Yes, thank you, that's exactly it for me too. I knew his quality but thought he'd always be around to catch up with. I was so achingly sorry I'd never thanked him. He made it seem so everyday I didn't face how special he was until he was gone. What I wish, now, too late, is that ABC had re-broadcast each installment later at night, say, after Nightline, when people like me would have been more likely to be home to watch. (ABC overnight news coverage is pretty awful, but could have dealt with the latebreaking stuff while the better-written, more thoughtful segments from WNT formed the core. ABC could still do that, if WNT continues with any sort of excellence.) If only I could have seen more of him, I keep thinking, the loss wouldn't seem so absolute and dreadful; if only I had absorbed everything he was showing us, I'd be better able to do without him, a delusion, of course--a priceless friend is not expendable, no matter how often we see him. Still, I'd like to thank his family for sharing him with us (he must often have been absent), and assure them we weren't entirely undeserving or unappreciative of the gift of him, even when our attention wandered. We hardly dare imagine how much greater their own loss must be.

Just want to try to ease your guilt. I stared watching Peter back in 1986, but throughout the years there were times when I could not watch the broadcast because I was attending night school, then college. But I always tried to watch whenever I could. What I am trying to say, is that his death has shocked us so because we all though, hoped that he would get better. Yes, I though he would retire like Mr. David Brinkley did. His passing was too soon, too quickly, too desvastating for us all. I now have some of the specials, like Century, and Jesus, only because I had to tape those, due to time; never thinking that they would become priceless so soon. I hope you will find comfort and please be gentle on yourself. Vilma

i wiw=sh i could have done seomthing to help Peter. yes, i do feel a void to the point of feeling suoffcated.

Thank you Connie for sharing your thoughts. I had thought about maybe asking if there were any psychologists reading this board who could explain the outpouring of emotions that so many have expressed here. On 8/8 when Charles Gibson was doing Peter's obit on WNT I just started sobbing and saying I can't believe I will never see him do the news again. My wonderful fiance was sitting next to me and tried to comfort me. I told him it must be difficult for my future husband to watch me cry over another man. He has been very patient as I have talked to him about all that Peter was and how sad and quick his illness and death were. I think it's helped us all to be able to share on this board and realize we are not alone in what we are going through.

I have to say my son has been helping me, but just last night said, Mom, you have to get over this. I know I do. He was NOT a family member....but then he was. He was my date on New Year's for 2000. He was there for me, taking me all over the world. I had no date that night, but I truly didn't feel left out...Peter was there and we went everywhere....I am so glad now, that I didn't have a date. On 9/11 he was there for me. All day...all night. He was everywhere....now he is nowhere....forever. Now I just feel this awful void and I don't rush home to watch the news. I do watch, if I can, but it's not my priority right now. I can't stand it that they took his name off the marquee and I can't stand the music to introduce World News Tonight. I just brings tears to my eyes when I hear that music. I need closure....soon. The memorial can't come soon enough. Lori

Good Morning! If I may make a suggestion, perhaps it will help you. As a Canadian, I listen to CBC radio daytime and then BBC, on local WNED, at 6 o'clock. The 6:30 news, for decades, was WNT and Peter. A few nights ago I decided that hearing the commencement music and once again realizing Peter's absence were akin to "pouring salt on an open would". I shut it off. For the present, I'm watching BBC from 6 - 7 o'clock. When I am ready, I will return to ABC, but not until they've stopped playing musical anchors with Charlie, Elizabeth and Bob. I'll return when there is one anchor that will become, for me, a constant fixture. Soon I hope, because ABC rounds out the day's new for me. Further,I believe that their newscasts will continue to represent all that Peter stood for. Regards, Connie I agree with you wholly - change the music!!

Actually, I'm finding comfort in the music... And, seeing the program continue. There was a time, on TV shows, when the star died, the program went off the air altogether... Continuing to watch the program, or listen to it as I am now, is akin to getting back on a bicycle after falling off or getting behind the wheel of a car after an accident... But, we each deal the best way we can... Lisa.

In a way, the special last week was a memorial service. I recall that in a Larry King Live interview, Peter commented on how sometimes, when you are reporting breaking news,it is as if the country is "in chapel". He felt that definitely happened with 9/11. And I felt that we were in chapel during that special. I have found it particularly helpful to watch old videos of him. Interviews mainly. Fortunately, CSPAN has a good archive on its web page that includes 2 panel discussions on network news covereage of politics and interviews about his books. You can purchase DVDs of their programs (although some are quite expensive). The ABC Newstore has a treasure trove of video, and you can purchase videos of Larry King shows, on which Peter was a frequent guest. I have found that through watching these, it has gotten a little easier to let go.

I too, have found it helpful to watch old videos. I've been watching "The Century" every night before going to bed and I'm up to Volume 4 (of 6). I remember buying that series as soon as it came out on VHS because I love history, which is what this is about, and because I love Peter, who is featured in the transitions and whose rich, beautiful voice is all over it. It took me just two nights to get through the tapes after learning Peter had cancer, sobbing the entire time. Now, I'm savoring them. I've also ordered some of Peter's specials from the ABC Newsstore and I also want to get my hands on some interviews. It looks like I'm going to be spending some $$$, but it's the only way I'm going to get through this. BTW, has anyone ordered the "Reporter" special and received it yet? I ordered it 3 days ago and my account still says PENDING.

"pending" simply means the order has not been shipped. on the site where you ordered, it stated that shipment could be 6 - 8 weeks

Jim: If this is what works for you, go for it. Each of us has our own way of coping. Unfortunately, I never collected any of his documentaries or special news reports. I just checked out of our WalMart here in Niagara Falls - as I'm putting items on the conveyer, don't I look up and see Peter's face looking back,from People magazine (Aug.22 issue). I have never bought one before, but I couldn't resist. Regards, Connie

Actually, my name is Jennifer. My screen name is my initials, but in lower case.

Sorry Jennifer - What a lovely name! - I do like it better than Jim, though James is nice! Go to LLPCAM's message just posted - videos of Peter available- websites are provided. Regards, Connie

Connie: You stated in an earlier post that guilt is part of the grieving process. So is denial I believe. I know for myself I realistically believe Peter is gone. Yet sometimes I will think to myself he can't be gone,at 5:30 p.m. I am going to turn on the TV and he will be there doing the news just like he always did. Reading the many articles, newspaper and magazine the last two weeks when I would see his picture I would think he can't really be dead, it's just not possible. Is this part of the mind trying to deal with the shock of what has happened? Please reply. Thanks, Pam.

working on it Pam - its a complex topic and I'm trying to make it as brief as possible. Have to run errand but I will get back to you this evening. Connie

To Pam; (I did my best to keep this short-you should see the draft!!) In answer to your question, yes, denial is also part of the grieving process. Denial keeps us at arms length from acceptance. Acceptance is particularly difficult when a death occurs unexpectedly and/or suddenly. We knew Peter was ill; however, as small as the hope for recovery was, we clung to it. His death was unexpected and we were ambushed by the suddenness of it. The fallout hit people in varying degrees. The grieving process is not like a train schedule. It doesn't have a timetable. Some individuals journey towards and reach acceptance easier and sooner than others. During this journey, one might feel many emotions and not in any particular order. Some of these emotions include guilt, denial, sorrow and anger (the adjectives are seemingly endless). Anger is another very common emotion for someone experiencing grief. This is particularly true if the death is seen as having been avoidable. I?,ve been trained in this field, yet today when I unexpectedly saw Peter?s picture on the front of People magazine, my immediate reaction was, ?I can?t believe you are gone?. I was too choked up to speak. You see, for all my training, psychologically I too am having difficulty accepting it. However, we do find our way through this Pam, to a place where peace exists and memories make you smile ? ?Time? facilitates the journey. I hope I?ve been some help. Connie