I am 44 years old and have been depressed for most of my life, but not clinically diagnosed until seven years ago. My diagnosis is Major Depression and Bi-Polar. I know I have OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder as well. I have done my homework. Since being diagnosed, I have been on a lot of anti-depressent medications and I believe some of them even made my depression worse instead of better. I am tired of taking all of the different medications that I do take and psychotherapy is not the answer, it helps, but it is not working. I am afraid to take all of the meds that I do because if interactions and the harm that they may cause my body in the long run. After my last suicide attempt in 2003, the doctors were amazed that I was still alive because of the extreme liver damage my overdose caused. I am also having problems with memory loss. I have been doing some research on ECT, but just recently read how someone remembered being in the recovery room and on the operating table itself, almost like they were not given enough anesthesia. I have had that problem before with two prior colonoscopys. I could feel the tube advancing and had to be given more medication to complete the procedure both times. Although ECT sounds like it could be the answer, I am now afraid of not being sedated enough if I am able to find someone willing to do this procedure with me. I am also wondering about my other diagnosis ie: Bi-Polar, OCD, Social Anxiety and Panic Disorder. Will ECT help with those as well or will I still have to live out my life on medication? I am just wanting to feel normal. It is very hard living with mental illness when most of the people I know and sometimes associate with have no real idea of what it is really all about. Psychiatrists go to years of college to learn what they do about mental illness, but my own personal belief is unless a person is depressed or has mental illness, then they really do not understand. I have a few friends who also suffer with mental illness and they agree with my feelings. I am just so lost and so confused and I am tired of living my life in this world of doubt, isolation, hopelessness and depression.  I am currently taking Lamictal for the Bi-Polar and Serroquel along with Lunesta for insomnia. One day I was shaking and having body tremors or jerks and the first thought that came to mind was that my mind was confused on which med it should be following. Is that possible? Could ECT help? How can I be sure I will be sedated enough if I do go through with this and if ECT will help, how do I convince my therapist  that it will. I am also prone to side effects of many of the meds i am on including bowel problems, nausea, and headache. Please advise the best you can. I am open to just about anything at this point. Insaineone