"Getting Clear" is the name of a book by Ramon Sander and Alicia Bay Laurel I think,,another is Being of the Sun. There are sites to help one as well, and plenty of books. The point is that it can take months, lots of reading and reflecting in a journal, to discover one's own lifestory and to see how the new twist (a spouse hurting one) is teaching or retelling a part of an old story...Who else has not been there, or not been trustworthy? What does this remind you of? Where would you rather be in terms of a more productive, respectful relationship?
Making big changes can take some people months if not years (I am such a one...with little ones in tow). I try to appreciate "the journey" and note things I have learned and seen I would not otherwise such as compassion for people stuck in difficult relationships for decades..It's sad to realize "life is passing by" in terms of missed great, affirming experiences. Yet seeking out other good times (going to shows, meeting caring people along the way) has been a decent alternative, and quite valuable in this day of growing awareness...It's about learning how to open doors from either side, for me, that more people recognize need opening, and often walking through. Good luck...