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  • From: mrskanetomo05
  •   To: All
  • 1 of 3
  • 2/6/07
hello, My husband is currently in the army and is in Iraq right now and i have trouble with his mom. His mom gets mad at me for the stupid things like not anwsering my phone and not calling her all the time. We live in germany because thats where we are stationed at and we just had a little baby and before i had the baby she came to visit us and all she wanted to do is spend time with my husband and not me. I told my husband that it is not right because we are married and we arew a family and we do things together. Was i wrong? She isnt number one any more i am and she needs to learn that. She thinks he needs to call her everyday and she gets mad at me all the time for me not comming to see her after i had the baby. I was in germany what more does she want from me.We just cant leave and with a baby i dont feel safe going to where she lives at because she lives in a really really bad neighborhood. last time i was there a pizza guy got held at gun piont. i dont want to take my son to that enviroment. what do i do? am i wrong thanks
  • From: Martha_Beck
  •   To: All
  • 2 of 3
  • 2/6/07
Here's the thing: you will never persuade your mother-in-law or your husband to see your point of view. You have to begin acting more authoritatively, without being hostile. When your mother-in-law complains, don't let your self get hooked into the angry energy. Just stay calm and say, "Hmm." Then do exactly what you think is right for you and your child, no matter what kind of fuss she makes. When your husband is around, if your mother-in-law monopolizes him, either do something you enjoy by yourself, or draw a clear line by saying, "I'd like to spend two (or three, or four, or whatever) hours alone with you today. If you want to spend them with your mom, it will damage my feelings for you." This may not always work out the way you ant it to. But by being very clear about your needs, you help define the future relationship you'll have with your husband and his mother. Most likely, they'll resist you briefly, but if you're clear and calm, without trying to force them to agree with you, they'll make adjustments that will improve your whole family dynamic.
  • From: mrskanetomo05
  •   To: All
  • 3 of 3
  • 2/6/07
The thing is that his family lives in California and mine lives in Iowa and we have to visit both of them. But when we are in germany when she came we had just gotten there and we didnt know a whole lot about germany yet and we didnt have many friends yet. My husband doesnt get mad at me about about his mother but he seems to understand it more. He has a cousin who has helped us out alot and i got ther advice from her. I was just thinking about it. Its hard for me to be close to her because she talks behind my back to other family members and makes me look out to be the bad guy and makes me look stupid.
 
 
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