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Again, every question about what's "right" or "wrong" for human relationships is very fluid. Some people find emotional affairs more destructive than a brief roll in the hay; others experience it differently. The important thing is to communicate honestly about your feelings and experiences, whether you (or your spouse) have been involved in emotional affairs or a one-night-stand. What matters isn't what happened, so much as the feelings of both parties at the present moment. If you need to talk about what's happened, that need is in the present--but trying to decide on an arbitrary set of rules isn't nearly as useful as simply processing how both of you feel now. That will give you the foundation to move forward to happier lives, as individuals and as a couple.