I refuse...so they refuse.  I went back to the MAP clinic & said send me elsewhere & they couldn't.  They informed me that due to HMO's & insurance companies I'm going to have to wait 'til I'm hemorrhaging then go to the ER & hope for an emergency hysterectomy.  But I've since been informed by an ER quack they'll probably try a few blood transfusions first.

So that's what I've been doing...waiting for that special day...if I don't have a heart attack from all the stress & anxiety I face every month first.  In the meantime I've given myself 3rd or 4th degree burns on my stomach & legs with a heating pad trying to cover up the pain I live in.  But in reality all I've done is cooked my blood vessels...which is probably why one leg keeps swelling. 

Now I have Medicare.  Christmas Day I woke up sick...& it was bad.  I should've went to the ER...but I would've had to call 911 to do it.  1/5/11 I couldn't stand it anymore & called 911.  It was the same as usual...female problems, chest pains & dehydration.  They blew off the chest pains & the dehydration.  I was given something for pain...a prescription for more pain pills & referred to an OB-GYN. 

Just went to the ER...yet the OB-GYN's office tries to stick me with another nurse practitioner.  NOPE!!!  I tell the OB-GYN I see most of the above.  Namely...I've had this problem since at least '98.  I've had all kinds of exams & all kinds of blood work all along knowing full well neither one tells them squat.  I've tried birth control & hormones.  I've had 2 ultrasounds.  I'm beyond scraping, burning or laser removal.  I have no support for this.  Due to the phobia no I don't want a hysterectomy.  But I sure don't want an emergency one.  So I want one now while I can still choose.  She said if she found a good ovary she'd keep it.  And I can understand the reasoning behind that.  But I wanted everything else gone.

She insisted I get another exam, more blood work & another ultrasound plus a mammogram claiming it was to make insurance happy like I was born just yesterday.  This was to make her office money.  Then she promised me a hysterectomy.  But she never discussed the options & let me pick one.

I did everything but the mammogram.  I was scheduled for surgery 3/7.  Then I get something in the mail talking about a partial.  So I sent an email.  I don't want what could be handled in one surgery dragged out between several.  If you can find a good ovary okay but there's no reason to keep anything else.  So they switched it to an option I wouldn't pick if you held a gun to my head & still never mentioned the ####.  The next email told them no on that option & again I want it all gone.  So the doctor called & over the phone I decided I want an old fashioned abdominal hysterectomy & again I want it all gone.

Again she knew about the phobia, heart murmur & chest pains.  My kid's a witness.  But after I pick the cheapest of the hysterectomy options she decides she needs cardiac clearance.  The internal meds doctor she sent me to refused to give me clearance.  She blew off this cough I've had the last several weeks claiming it's smoking related.  I remember a day when they used to give you chest x-rays & see if this was bronchitis or pneumonia but not anymore.  She refused to give me anything for stress & anxiety claiming it's addictive.  So are the pain pills the ER & OB-GYN just gave me.  She wouldn't even write me enough to get through surgery.  She preferred I see a shrink but couldn't refer me to one because there's a shrink shortage in TX.

Then in between this quack & the cardiologist she referred me to the OB-GYN decides she wants psychiatric clearance too.  And now we're done.  She's beyond corrupt.  I wouldn't let her touch me now if she was willing to work for free.  I told her office what the internal meds doctor just said...she couldn't refer me to a shrink because there's a shortage.  So unless they want to write me a prescription for stress & anxiety pills cancel the surgery.  They said they'd call back but never did.

I went to the cardiologist appointment anyway.  His nurse agreed with me.  This was uncalled for...from re-doing everything to the clearances.  She said it sounded like they was trying to wrack up a bunch of bills for their office.  She said there's no reason one of these people couldn't have written me a prescription for stress & anxiety pills & said no refills.  Just enough to get through surgery.  Then the cardiologist said there's no such thing as cardiac clearance.  He said there's 4 reasons not to have surgery & I have no reason. 

This is how someone can have a disease this stupid for years.  This is a free country?  I have rights?  If I was an animal some vet would have sympathy for me & either fix me or at least put me out of my misery.  By leaving me to rot they've destroyed 2 lives...mine & my only child's.  There was no where else to put her...everybody's dead or disowned.  And no...legal aid don't help you sue people.  And no...you can't find an attorney willing to work for free 'til you win.  There's no law against leaving you to rot for years so you may not win.  There's no law against sending you on a wild goose chase for no reason.  There's a statute of limitations on how long we have to sue people.  But there's none on how long they've got to treat you like a side of beef or a guinea pig.  Can we fix this before I drop dead?