I just want to know how someone can have a disease this stupid for years.  Here's how it's happened to me.

My first major experience with "health" came when I was pregnant & had to get on Medicaid to have my only child.  The OB-GYN that brought my child into this world was such a righteous judgmental pig I refused to go again 'til my only child was 3.

So my child's 3 & if I've still got Medicaid I can't find anybody to accept it.  I was forced to go to a freebie college clinic where I was forced to put on a free show for a bunch of newbies & their teacher.  If I got anything at all it was birth control pills.  And after this treatment I swore I'd never deal with a freebie college clinic again.

Next thing ya know my only child's 8 & I got married.  Now I know I have female problems.  After marriage & before insurance I was forced to go to a freebie Indian clinic.  Already by this time if it's a male doing to the exam then a female nurse is supposed to be in the room.  We had no nurse & next thing I know this male's doing something to me that wasn't done before & hasn't been done since so I know it's not necessary on women.  It's just something he personally prefers to do...with no warning.  Who do they think they are?  What makes them think they have a right?  And how do we teach them otherwise?

If you look up endo it says a woman must be scoped to be diagnosed with it.  It says if she's trying to have children she can try scraping, burning or laser removal.  Otherwise there's birth control pills & other hormones.  Finally, as a last result, there's a hysterectomy.  I was married.  We were trying to have kids for some stupid reason.  And I finally had insurance.  Yet when I went to a doctor I was forced to deal with her nurse practitioner.  She insisted on birth control...twice...& said if it didn't help she'd finally scope me.  After the 2nd time her doctor quit, she had to go elsewhere & her new doctor didn't accept my insurance. 

They should've either done this procedure before my doctor quit or set this up with someone who would.  The very next doctor should've been scoping me & telling me something.  This is 1/2 the stress & anxiety...the not knowing.  It could be cancer for all I know.  Yet the very next doctor, an endo specialist no less, treated me just like the freebie college clinic.  The appointment was either late a.m. or early afternoon yet I was still sitting in the lobby hours later.  Then I was given a piece of paper that barely covered me to cover myself with.  Not a gown & a sheet.  A piece of paper that barely covered me & no sheet.  Then he dragged in a team of newbies he was training.  I complained & he ignored me.  It's hard to sit around & argue with nothing on but a piece of paper.  Then he wanted to try birth control pills again.  I refused.  And when they called 6 mo's later to discuss a follow up I laughed in their ear & hung up the phone.

Next I was wrongfully terminated & lost my health insurance.  Just before I lost my insurance I had an upper & lower GI & was diagnosed with acid reflux & IBS too.  So I've been left to rot with these as well.  After I lost my insurance I still worked so I couldn't qualify for Medicaid.  So now it's freebie college clinics, freebie Indian clinics or freebie Indian hospitals.  Tried the college clinics.  Tried the Indian clinics.  The first time I tried the nearest Indian hospital, which was 45 minutes away, I told them I wanted a female doctor.  I get all the way out there & they inform me she'd called in sick so they were sticking me with a man.  Don't you think you should call someone & give them an option before they drive 45 minutes?  No they don't...we're just cattle with no rights what-so-ever after all.  So I walked out.  The last time I tried this same hospital again I made my appointment for early afternoon but I was still sitting in the lobby 'til just before they closed.  I was rushed through the appointment.  I was given a chart to keep track of my visits.  She may have mentioned birth control pills at best.  But we'd talk about it next time when there was more time.  There's never been a next time.

I just worked sick 'til I could stand to do so no more.  I used to drag my heating pad to work with me.  I almost fainted in the parking lot a few times.  Also I believe ovarian cysts have bursts while I was driving down the road & the sudden pain almost caused me to have wrecks.  But I was a single mom so I worked worked worked.  I also taught myself stuff on the side...namely website design, web graphic design, digital photography & image editing.  I was hoping to start/run my own home biz & buy my own health insurance.  That hasn't worked out yet.  But then next thing you know I lost yet another dead-end job, my mom, my family & another loser boyfriend all in just over a month.  So I'll agree to stress, anxiety & post traumatic stress disorder.  But I'll never agree it's a chemical imbalance in my brain, a pill will help or that I now have to be treated like I'm mentally ####.

Side note...there's a big difference between stress, anxiety & PTSD & psychotic.  There's also a big difference between psychotic & ####.  In fact some psychos are geniuses.  I don't mean they were geniuses because they committed crimes...I mean per something like an aptitude test they were already scientific or mathematical geniuses.  Don't believe they treat everybody the same & like they're mentally ####?  Search for picture perfect living atx which means at Texas.  Then look at their rules & regulations.  That partially explains all the homeless people in Texas.

After I lost everybody & everything I had no insurance what-so-ever.  A trip to an ER in 2004 is how I learned stress & anxiety aggravate my heart murmur & cause me chest pains.  In 2005 I got sick & stayed that way for a month.  I went to an ER 4 times in a week.  I was only seen 3 but I went 4.  Through them I tried hormones & got an ultrasound.  They insisted I get on MAP & go to a clinic.  Then this one clinic can't help me...I have to go elsewhere.  If the MAP clinic hadn't insisted on a biopsy I would've never got one.  They sent me to another freebie college clinic...that called themselves specialists.  Birth control pills are no longer an option.  I tried more hormones & it didn't help...I don't care what another ultrasound said.  Scraping, burning or laser removal's no longer an option.  I wanted a hysterectomy.  They tried to make me have another upper & lower GI to see if this is related to a stomach virus.  But I've already had one since the female problems & was diagnosed with acid reflux & IBS.  I refuse...so they refuse.  I went back to the MAP clinic & said send me elsewhere & they couldn't.  They informed me that due to HMO's & insurance companies I'm going to have to wait 'til I'm hemorrhaging then go to the ER & hope for an emergency hysterectomy.  But I've since been informed by an ER quack they'll probably try a few blood transfusions first.

So that's what I've been doing...waiting for that special day...if I don't have a heart attack from all the stress & anxiety I face every month first.  In the meantime I've given myself 3rd or 4th degree burns on my stomach & legs with a heating pad trying to cover up the pain I live in.  But in reality all I've done is cooked my blood vessels...which is probably why one leg keeps swelling. 

Now I have Medicare.  Christmas Day I woke up sick...& it was bad.  I should've went to the ER...but I would've had to call 911 to do it.  1/5/11 I couldn't stand it anymore & called 911.  It was the same as usual...female problems, chest pains & dehydration.  They blew off the chest pains & the dehydration.  I was given something for pain...a prescription for more pain pills & referred to an OB-GYN. 

Just went to the ER...yet the OB-GYN's office tries to stick me with another nurse practitioner.  NOPE!!!  I tell the OB-GYN I see most of the above.  Namely...I've had this problem since at least '98.  I've had all kinds of exams & all kinds of blood work all along knowing full well neither one tells them squat.  I've tried birth control & hormones.  I've had 2 ultrasounds.  I'm beyond scraping, burning or laser removal.  I have no support for this.  Due to the phobia no I don't want a hysterectomy.  But I sure don't want an emergency one.  So I want one now while I can still choose.  She said if she found a good ovary she'd keep it.  And I can understand the reasoning behind that.  But I wanted everything else gone.

She insisted I get another exam, more blood work & another ultrasound plus a mammogram claiming it was to make insurance happy like I was born just yesterday.  This was to make her office money.  Then she promised me a hysterectomy.  But she never discussed the options & let me pick one.

I did everything but the mammogram.  I was scheduled for surgery 3/7.  Then I get something in the mail talking about a partial.  So I sent an email.  I don't want what could be handled in one surgery dragged out between several.  If you can find a good ovary okay but there's no reason to keep anything else.  So they switched it to an option I wouldn't pick if you held a gun to my head & still never mentioned the ####.  The next email told them no on that option & again I want it all gone.  So the doctor called & over the phone I decided I want an old fashioned abdominal hysterectomy & again I want it all gone.

Again she knew about the phobia, heart murmur & chest pains.  My kid's a witness.  But after I pick the cheapest of the hysterectomy options she decides she needs cardiac clearance.  The internal meds doctor she sent me to refused to give me clearance.  She blew off this cough I've had the last several weeks claiming it's smoking related.  I remember a day when they used to give you chest x-rays & see if this was bronchitis or pneumonia but not anymore.  She refused to give me anything for stress & anxiety claiming it's addictive.  So are the pain pills the ER & OB-GYN just gave me.  She wouldn't even write me enough to get through surgery.  She preferred I see a shrink but couldn't refer me to one because there's a shrink shortage in TX.

Then in between this quack & the cardiologist she referred me to the OB-GYN decides she wants psychiatric clearance too.  And now we're done.  She's beyond corrupt.  I wouldn't let her touch me now if she was willing to work for free.  I told her office what the internal meds doctor just said...she couldn't refer me to a shrink because there's a shortage.  So unless they want to write me a prescription for stress & anxiety pills cancel the surgery.  They said they'd call back but never did.

I went to the cardiologist appointment anyway.  His nurse agreed with me.  This was uncalled for...from re-doing everything to the clearances.  She said it sounded like they was trying to wrack up a bunch of bills for their office.  She said there's no reason one of these people couldn't have written me a prescription for stress & anxiety pills & said no refills.  Just enough to get through surgery.  Then the cardiologist said there's no such thing as cardiac clearance.  He said there's 4 reasons not to have surgery & I have no reason. 

This is how someone can have a disease this stupid for years.  This is a free country?  I have rights?  If I was an animal some vet would have sympathy for me & either fix me or at least put me out of my misery.  By leaving me to rot they've destroyed 2 lives...mine & my only child's.  There was no where else to put her...everybody's dead or disowned.  And no...legal aid don't help you sue people.  And no...you can't find an attorney willing to work for free 'til you win.  There's no law against leaving you to rot for years so you may not win.  There's no law against sending you on a wild goose chase for no reason.  There's a statute of limitations on how long we have to sue people.  But there's none on how long they've got to treat you like a side of beef or a guinea pig.  Can we fix this before I drop dead?