I'm 46. My mom has been depressed since childhood and tried to commit suicide when I was little. She was abusive verbally and swung a belt at me and once threw a wooden barstool at me. The put downs seemes to stick with me. I went to counseling for 1 1/2 years, but feel I need more. I've had anxiety since I was little and a confidence problem fitting in with other people. I think part is from mom and an absent alcoholic dad who touched me once down there. My mom has always taken antidepressants, but never diagnosed anything more than depressed. I have lost jobs over not knowing how to handle personal conflicts with people. I remember blowing up with anger by yelling and have lost a couple of jobs over it including losing a couple of jobs over being too slow at work from being too detail oriented. Before being diagnosed bp, I blew up at my half sister before her wedding, but I was tired of her lies, manipulating and getting pregnant just to marry into a nice family. I've been to at least five psychiatrists since my 20's and none have ever diagnosed me bipolar until this last psychiatrist. For the last five years, she has had me on everything for bipolar and I've either been allergic or had a bad side effect. Mostly, I've been on Lithium Carbonate. I gained 35 pounds and have very low energy. I have not gone back to work since I got laid off because I don't have the energy. I haven't laid around lately like I usually do and am still exhausted. Now she wants to put me on Saphris, Neurontin or Haldol (small dose) for my anxiety. She said she's convinced I'm bipolar because she's seen me manic a couple of times. Both of those times, I was toxic on lithium. That causes mania! The last time she saw me manic was when I tried to titrate myself off of lithium and did it too fast causing me to be very moody. I can't get her to take me off of it and I'm exhausted. At 46, my quality of life isn't at it's best, not even close. I want to add that I've been to two medical doctors and all blood tests come back negative for reasons why I may be exhausted. I have a mild to moderate stomach ache three to four days a week and my colonoscopy was normal. One doctor put me on omneprazole (taken three hours before or after lithium) and it doesn't help my stomach either. She recently put me on Zoloft and it has helped my obsessing a lot.
I want to know with the anxiety and self esteem I experience daily could manifest itself into moodiness without being bipolar. I am very anxious and uptight most of the time. Also, I've heard that if I go to another psychiatrist for a second opinion, they will put me right back on drugs or keep me on the ones I'm on. In my case, I wonder if the core of my problem is immaturity, anxiety, coping skills with people and a poor self esteem. Should I see another psychiatrist, a psychologist for testing or an internist that also deals with mental mood disorders and sometimes uses alternative medicine? My diet has been poor most of my life and I wonder if my chemistry could be off from that causing moodiness. Please help. Thank you.