My grandmother passed away of cancer on April 5, 2001 in Denver, Co. She had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma Cancer.  After 2 years of fighting the battle to keep her alive, she had finally passed away in a hospital bed with my mom by her side. When I got the call from my mom that she had passed away, my first thought was “I was not there for you mom”! I knew at that moment that things were going to change.  

My mother was a single mom. In order for the bills to get paid, mom worked a lot. My mom relied on grandma for her strength and support. When mom went to work I stayed with grandma.  I could say that I spent all most every day of my childhood with my grandma. When I went into high school I got to live with grandma and go to the high school my mom went to.

I remember when my grandparents told me that grandma had cancer. The year was 1998.  I was a freshman in high school.  I had just got out of school; American history was my last class so I was board and hungry.  As I walked up the driveway, grandma was standing by the door. She greeted me with a hello and asked me about my day. With a strong tone my granddad asked me to come into the kitchen with him and my uncle Steve.  Grandma followed behind me. Steve was 10 years older than me, so he was 27 but acted like he was 18.  We were both making faces at each other not knowing that in just a few seconds we would learn that grandma was sick. Soon we would not be able to make a face or even a sound. 

 Granddad Nolan started off with saying Grandma was sick. “We need to make things easy for her and help out more” he continued to say. I remember sitting there thinking “I wonder if granddad knows I’m the one who took the last pie”! Now 9 years later I look back and I think how insignificant that thought or that piece of pie really was.  Grandma did not look worried or scared; she just came out with “I have cancer”! I was lost and unsure of what cancer was. She held my hand and said “I’m strong and healthy.  Things are going to be ok”.  I never questioned her or asked what kind of cancer, I never for a moment thought that she would pass away. When grandma told mom that she had cancer she did it over the phone. “I have good news and bad news” grandma said. “The bad news is that it’s cancer! The good news is it’s curable”! Before my mom could even get a word out grandma said that she had to let her go, but not to worry that she was going to be ok. My mom was left to think of what had just happened, not understanding what the months would bring and if she was really going to be ok.

My grandma worked hard all of her life. She got up every morning at 5 am to go to work come home and take care of her family. When grandma got sick she did not want any one worry, she never complained or fussed over her illness. She laughed and came up with chemo jokes, at any random moment she would take off her wig; she had lost all her hair from the chemo so that was grandma’s way of making fun of herself.  For as long as I can remember; grandma would always say to me” Not everyone stays Natalie”. Now as an adult I understand why she would say that to me. We cannot live forever, not everyone stays!

For the next year grandma would undergo aggressive chemo and radiation treatment. I remember seeing tattoo marks on her body. The marks were there to pin point were the cancer was, so that when they did the treatment they would know exactly where the cancer was.  I would say to her “what are they doing to my grandma?”. She would just laugh and look at her body and shake her head. Grandma took very good care of herself so she never looked like she was sick, or a person with cancer.  The treatments seemed to have worked. The cancer had gone into remission.

 Grandma was free to go back to her normal life. She had never really taken time off during the treatment; she had continued to work all through the cancer treatments. In 1999, grandma retired.  My mom threw grandma a big retirement party. All of her friends and her family attended the party. I remember it as if it was yesterday; my little sister who was two at the time had fallen and hit her head. Every one scrambled to help mom. To this day the smell of blood still makes me sick. A few weeks later Granddad got them an RV and they left to Arizona, where the weather is warm and it is summer all year round. Granddad would play golf and she could sit and have a margarita, and they would enjoy the rest of their life together.

 In June of 2000 grandma would go in for a routine visit. Our family would get the news that the cancer had came back.  For a year grandma would undergo chemo therapy and radiation treatment again. Grandma’s body could no longer withstand the treatments and would have to stop. The doctors would give the news that it was a matter of months before she would pass away. During the Christmas holidays my grandma would have a turn for the worse. She would be admitted into the hospital and would be at the brink of death. Or family came together; one by one her kids including me would say our good byes. But to our surprise somehow grandma pulled through.

I took the last few months of her life for granted; I still thought she would not leave me. With my mom by her side I had continued about my life. I had seen my grandma once before she had really passed away. I went to the house to go see her.  She was lying in the bed curled up in a ball. Her room smelled of her skin cream, Oil of Olay. She looked happy to see me but also looked ashamed for me to see her like that. Grandma said that she would be right down, so I gave her a kiss and said I love you. She went into the bathroom. That was the last time I would see her alive.  I would get the call early in the morning that she was gone.  It was time for me to go down to the hospital and say good bye.

I’ll never forget my grandma, all the lifetime of memories that I have with her. I would spend hours just sitting talking to her, looking at her face and hands. I can still hear her voice and see her face when I close my eyes. I know that I am the person that I am because of my grandparents including my mom. I close this with saying, enjoy every moment that you have with the person you love, good or bad times, because not everyone stays. 

Natalie Jones

Santa Paula Ca

758-2381